Join us as we learn each other's enneagram types and talk personality, mentality, and taking care of our mental health through a global pandemic, social upheaval, and beyond. Episode content warnings: mental health issues & triggers, pandemic
Join us as we learn each other's enneagram types and talk personality, mentality, and taking care of our mental health through a global pandemic, social upheaval, and beyond.
Episode content warnings: mental health issues & triggers, pandemic
Follow us on instagram @wethepeoplepresent
Resources and action items on our Linktree
Cover artwork by Be Boggs
Music by Malaventura
Full transcript available HERE
Lyonel: We're We the People
Tina: And we're recording from the occupied territory of the Odawa, Ojibwe, Potawatomi people,
Dana: Or what you probably know to be Chicago,
Aja: And the Chumash, Kizh, Tataviam people-
Lyonel: or Los Angeles.
Dana: Guess what. We're all on stolen land. Take a second to learn whose land you occupy
Tina: And take meaningful direct action to decolonize and restore these lands to their rightful stewards.
Aja: Action Items and resources can be found in the link tree on our Instagram @wethepeoplepresent
(music)
All: Hey everybody.
(laughing)
Dana: We are we the people present! I am Dana!
Tina: I'm Tina.
Lyonel: I'm Lyonel.
Aja: I am Aja.
(laughing)
Lyonel: Happy December. We've made it to December 2020.
Dana: Oh my god, it's DECEMBER.
Lyonel: The last chapter of 2020.
Aja: Year twelve of twenty twenty.
(laughing)
Lyonel: Yes. Literally it feels like Jurassic Park. I just feel like I'm not sure what's about to mutate what's about to happen.
Dana: Sure.
Lyonel: It just feels like we're in Jurassic Park like where the dinosaurs kind of go crazy.
Aja: My my mental health is encased in amber below the earth's surface somewhere. It'll come
back maybe in a few hundred thousand years.
Tina: And wreak havoc.
Aja: Fly out like a bat.
Lyonel: You know a bat is what COVID came from. Actually I bet you it was the same bat.
(laughing)
Dana: Wouldn't it just make sense?
(laughing)
Aja: My mental health is the bat that started COVID.
(laughing)
Lyonel: Take that to a therapist.
Dana: The bat's like 'what? I hold multiple truths.' It's fine.
Aja: Oh man.
Tina: Y'all I gotta say it's a rough time to have a tattoo of a bat. Let me tell you.
Dana: Oh shit I forgot you had that.
Lyonel: Do you have a tattoo of a bat?
Tina: Yeah I have a tattoo of a bat. .
Aja: Oh my gosh.
Lyonel: There's a lot of unpacking for you to right now.
Tina: Are we responsible for COVID?
Dana: Yeah yeah. Might as well. Let's spread that .
Tina: Hey you heard it here first, everybody.
Lyonel: Spread that- you hear that buzz word?
Aja: Maybe Trump will stop calling it "china virus" if you find that it was us.
Dana: Yeah.
Tina: He'll call it something way worse if he finds out it was us!
Lyonel: Oh my god you're so right.
Dana: He'll look at the four of us and be like "I don't know which racist thing to go.".
(laughing)
Lyonel: (in a Trump voice) "That we the people bat- Oh yeah. Those people are bad people. Those are bad. Bad people bad bad people.".
Tina: I never knew I needed Lyonel's Trump impression so much until now!
(laughing)
Lyonel: Was it OK? because I've been using it and people are always silent. I'm never sure if
they're just like - should would tell him it's awful? Or is it so funny they're shocked.
Tina: I knew exactly what you were going.
Lyonel: Thank you so much.
(laughing)
Dana: We got it. If you make your mouth more of like an asshole when you're talking- like a pursed asshole-.
Lyonel: Then I could it put on my Tinder profile.
(laughing)
Lyonel: "Can make mouth like asshole." Single.
(laughing like so much laughing)
Tina: We have all lost it.
Aja: You had me drama in my chair.
Lyonel: Sis. I'll be here all year cause I'm locked down.
(laughing)
Dana: All three of us are crying.
(laughing)
Aja: Oh my gosh. This is a fun game. What other games we got?
Tina: Well we did talk about all taking an enneagram test and talking about our results. and I feel like that I want to know what- so for those who don't know it's like a personality type kind of test. And the types are all different numbers. So I want to know what number everybody is and what that says about us as people. Also Lyonel brought this to us.
Aja: Yes.
Tina: So Lyonel will you start by telling us your enneagram type?
Lyonel: Yes. I would love that. I think enneagrams are so- it's like Briggs Myers essentially, right.
Like just an identity test of your personality. I think I love it because it tells you things that highlight- that are highlights of your personality but also ways in which like your personality might get in the way of you at times.
So I was a 'three wing four' which means I resonate around a three at like a 98 percent. and a three is 'the achiever' and it has a lot to do with like how things look, how you look to other people, and like like your attack on doing things- even somewhere you might be like 'I don't even know if I really want that' but it's almost like a challenger. But it's not challenging, it's like to get it is the task. but because I have a wing four, there's a version of me that romanticizes about things that - like almost like a dreamer.
Right. Like I'm in relation with dreams, so like I think big and I want big things and so I always fantasize about it. So it was really dope because it also was like 'Oh you're so hard on your fucking self because you want to achieve everything you're so hard on yourself.' So yeah that was me.
Tina: Lyonel! I'm also a three wing four!
Lyonel: FUUUUUCK! Are you serious??!
Tina: I am 100 percent serious. I am also 'an achiever' which is not a surprise to me because I'm like super type A and I like to be successful. But one thing that I that it said that made me super angry was that it was like your authenticity isn't important to you and you're like more interested in presenting a good face. And I was like Are you fucking- I was so mad because I like to think of myself as like.
Like authenticity is really important to me and I don't like to like not be who I am to make people like me or to be more successful. But then it did make me think about like well sometimes I do.
(laughing)
Lyonel: But also like 'I need people to know that I'm authentic' IS achieving.
Tina: YEAH
Dana: Yeah.
Lyonel: and to that I say same.
Tina: Yeah oh yeah yeah definitely maybe you know consider my motives in certain ways that I present myself.
But yeah I'm also- I feel like it makes sense to me y'know that we're the same one because we're both super you know driven and like what's the word I'm looking for. Oh I had it in my brain and I forgot.
Lyonel: Beautiful sexy passionate wonderful-
Tina: All of those.
Lyonel: -awesome deserve all the money in the world get that bag bitch dot com forward slash
we're the bats to fuck with. That's what I thought.
(laughing)
Dana: "we're the bats! we're taking back the bat name".
(laughing)
Tina: That's exactly it.
Lyonel: I do know- I do because I feel like the thing that I love most about you Tina is like we are so passionate and like so like when we're vibing. It's kind of like yes like when we're both on for something I we're kinda like move people but we're both like No we're both like but No. but No. But it's it's beautiful. It's like but I do think of you as authentic which is interesting.
Even before the test like I would have always framed authenticity under your name. Like when I think about you. So.
Tina: Thank you. I don't know that it was just something that really struck me about it because I was like Yeah this all makes sense. Oh this thing I don't like the way this thing says about me.
Yeah. That was mine. Dana. What do you get?
Dana: I got a three but I don't know what you meant by "wing four" because I think it just said three for me.
But there was also like a couple other numbers that I scored pretty high on like eight was a big one that I scored high on.
Lyonel: Whatever your main number is like that highest number, whichever of the two numbers next to it you were higher in it means that you wing towards it. So your primary number whatever on the side of that is your wing but the wing is less- not less important but your primary is more important.
Dana: Not as important. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I felt like. Yes I'm an achiever. I'm ambitious but I think- I am a first generation child and I think a lot of us are certainly because we kind of have to be right. There's a pressure on us that's like your parents came here for nothing to give you a better life. That's essentially like what it is. So it's like I think that struck with me I was like Yeah that makes sense
I want to achieve I'm ambitious and I want to be- so yeah but I can't remember what number eight was but that also-.
Tina: I have it right here.
Dana: Thank you! Can I hear it?
Tina: Because I also scored very high in number eight. Number eight is known as the challenger. eights see themselves as strong and powerful and seek to stand up for what they believe in. Yeah that's us!
Tina: I mean that's the podcast.
Lyonel: Literally.
Dana: You guys want know a word in Arabic that basically means that? it's a hard word to pronounce but it's "go-we-uh" or "go-we" for a-- ugh gender shit is stupid to me, but "go-we" for a boy and "go-we-uh" for a girl. But if you just want to be like Fuck doing that I'm okay with that because that annoys me about this. This specific part of the language is that they gender stuff and I just think it should be universal anyway.
Tina: We should do a whole episode on like language and gendering.
Aja: Yes! .
Lyonel: I have- when Aja finishes I want to talk about masculinity and femininity and with these numbers because they're very interesting.
Dana: Oooh ok Aja GO!
Lyonel: But take your time.
Aja: Ok I....[fast gibberish]
(laughing)
Aja: Sorry Dana. Dana was drinking everyone. so rude. don't drink during our podcast.
I have taken the test multiple times as a true Scorpio and forget every time. But anyway I most identify as a seven wing eight and seven is the opportunist paired with the challenger. But I also have scored high as a three. So I think I went three win two so the other way- I don't remember what a 4 is.
But yes, opportunist, FOMO, high energy, very positive, self-confident, charisma, thank you.
Dana: Bank yew.
Aja: And weaknesses being perceived as impatient - OK.
Dana: Rude.
Aja: Focused too heavily on career difficulty following through on plans.
Tina: I wouldn't say that.
Aja: I mean I think not plans like hanging out plans but I'll be like "I'm going to do this thing and it's going to be great". And then I don't do it.
Dana: Isn't that just all of us, though.
Tina: Yeah. show me a human who doesn't do that.
Dana: Yeah and I'll show you a robot. Can we really quickly just say where what the website is that we just took- If somebody wants to do it too?
Tina: I can link to it in the in the podcast link tree.
Lyonel: Oh yeah!
Dana: She's gonna link to it in the podcast link tree if you want to take the same test.
Tina: Check it out- DM us with your results if you want.
Dana: Yeah.
Aja: YEAH!
Lyonel: Yeah we would love to hear about that!
Dana: And your version of butthole mouth
Aja: Tell me what you are, what you really really are
Lyonel: Yeah. You'll get a picture of my butthole my mouth as a reward.
(SO MUCH LAUGHING)
Aja: Is anyone still with us?
(laughing)
Aja: Are you there?
Tina: Hello?
Dana: They're gone.
Aja: Is this thing on?
Lyonel: OK. So no this is actually super interesting. Well- No it's OK.
...I just had a whole fight with myself. I'm so sorry.
I was like OK. Enneagram test was interesting to me because it's the idea that you know more about yourself then you kind of know how you can have a partner right. Like you know certain aspects about yourself that might strike a chord with your partner or might be a reason why you and your partner clicked. And then I like kept researching I was like wait a lot of this is based on like heterosexual normality right. But like as a gay man I was like this is saying like seeking this in a female partner. Then I thought well that's kind of messed up. She never realized there's no enneagram for like gay men or queer people are you know etc..
Then I kept researching and I found that eight, seven, and five are very masculine sides of the whole- so the enneagram is based off of nine numbers. It's like a full circle, and eight, seven, and five are very masculine numbers. And feminine numbers are the two, the nine, and the four, and the androgynous numbers are six, one, and three.
And what's interesting just about that is that the people in the eight, seven, and five, they have a lot more tendency to be aggressive gutsy or being detached and unemotional, that they're able to just kind of line things up from a very intellectual place of like a plus b equals c fundamentals and the feminine energy comes from a more emotional place so a lot of the questions that you answered are a lot more emotional responses to the questions are you were able to get introspective that's linked to like the more feminine energy.
Aja: I just want to say about- you said eight, seven and something are the more masculine-.
Lyonel: Eight, seven and five.
Aja: I'm seven wing eight, and I...am very self-conscious about seeming masculine like ever since I was a little kid I thought I looked like a little boy and so I like tend to try to be more feminine because I feel like- I mean like I have broad shoulders for a girl like I'm very- I don't know anyway so I just thought that was interesting. Like I didn't want to be masculine and I wanted to be like dainty and feminine- I'm air quoting "feminine".
Because you know society's telling us what feminine and masculine is.
Dana: Right.
Aja: I was too I was scared of being too masculine. Which is a whole other thing to unpack.
Lyonel: Yeah. Because I mean I think that's so dope that you- because I do think that you're masculine. Like I think you're one of the most gorgeous people I've ever seen and I'm not just saying that because we're on the podcast like I think you are- I mean I had a crush on Aja in college like that was like-
Aja: That's true.
Lyonel: Yeah.
(laughing)
Lyonel: And now I have a right and now I have a crush on her boyfriend so it's like...
(laughing)
Aja: Heyyyyyy
Lyonel: Tell him I can do this.
(laughing)
Aja: Yeah. I mean it's that I think what triggered for me was that like I- you said that eight, seven, and...five... you said? 8-6-7-5-3-0-9--ee-yi---iine. (Aja and Dana sing)
Lyonel: eight, seven, five
Aja: Well like how, Tina, you know you were like I got mad about it saying I wasn't authentic, I got a little bit mad that that my numbers are masculine. and like you were just saying that doesn't have to- it's just like an interest- you know we're already talking about gender and society, societal norms around that. So I just like in- all of those things just like spun up like a little tornado in me. So. fun things to talk about with a therapist.
Lyonel: So I think I think I think the reason why enneagram test was really important, or just like why I want to bring it up was because with us being in quarantine I feel like we have spent so much time with ourselves and because of that mental health issues are just...
I have two thoughts. One: they've just become exacerbated. Like if you were already like low key simmering on one it's become exacerbated or the amount of time you're spending by yourself has created them in other people right now.
And. I am someone who right now as I've been in therapy weekly and I have this quote: on June 2020 a survey from the CDC and Prevention, out of 5,412 US adults they found that 40.9% responded to having at least one adverse mental or behavioral health condition including depression anxiety post-traumatic stress substance abuse, and rates were three to four times the rates and they were a year earlier.
And I just think that right now mental health is something we aren't talking about enough. So I think we're humans of relation. I know I live by myself throughout the pandemic. And one thing that I'm jealous of, slash, like I just crave is as much as I- I crave relation with people like even though it is on my own terms and it is that nice a time for I'm like, "Well myself I can do whatever I want." It's also like I am anytime I see someone that is not...me...I'm risking something because they are not my bubble. They are not they are not with me all the time.
So there is a stress to do the thing that we're created to do which is to be in relation with other humans and like that's really- it's taking a toll on my mental my mental state like I actually don't. I'm uncomfortable when I see people outside of zoom our virtual relations.
Dana: They're just so bizarre. It's such a bizarre feeling to feel that because I feel like you know I'm I'm both introvert and extrovert. But like when I am an extrovert I do think it's important for us to like be around people. because especially in our business too. That's that's the kicker.
LIke all four of us being actors and knowing how important it is to connect to one another and to make eye contact and to like. Even hugs from people. And now like being around other people it's a bizarre feeling to feel so disconnected. It's like, my family, my parents like. That's been really hard for sure.
Lyonel: Yeah.
Tina: Honestly I feel like I am experiencing. I mean so I'm like super. I wouldn't say I'm super introverted but I'm like super cool being on my own and I live alone- I'm not I'm not living alone with my family which has also been really nice and I'm super lucky to be able to quarantine and get tested to do that- but like I have largely been on my own for the whole time and I found that that's like surprisingly- I'm surprisingly fine with that in terms of my mental health.
And I honestly think that if I weren't living alone throughout this pandemic that would have been harder on my anxiety than being alone has been just because I think for me and this does get back to like the idea of like being an achiever, in terms of what we were talking about earlier with our enneagram types, like for me my anxiety is rooted to how much control I have over my surroundings, over like my schedule, over what's that what people around me are doing.
So like because I live alone I'm fully in control of my immediate environment. But then when I go out and I'm around people I can't control whether they're wearing a mask, how close they get to me. Like I the level of control is I guess the same as it's been but the stakes are so much higher that like that's been really hard on my anxiety.
So I've actually found it super like necessary for my dealing with my own anxiety to actually isolate myself and be by myself more, which has been I guess like it's not fully surprising to me because I knew that I liked to be alone but like it's been wild how much I preferred being alone in a space just because, because yeah control for me is like the biggest thing that I'm learning about myself throughout all of this.
It's fucking, yeah it's scary to be around people who you can't- you don't know if you can trust to make the same choices that you're making or live to the same standard because you don't know what their situation is like what they have to do or who they have to be around.
Aja: Well yeah and that distrust is like also affecting us. It's like I don't know. I know I get really frustrated seeing people you know being irresponsible and so there's also like, along with the anxiety of keeping myself in the people around me safe, there's also so much more anxi-- or like frustration, and, I don't know about anger-
Dana: I have anger.
Aja: Disbelief. Confusion. And I know Josh has anger about- for good reason- about seeing people being irresponsible and it just doesn't compute.
So I feel like it's not only balancing my own anxiety it's like also finding a way to channel all of the frustration that I have with the world around us and the people who are being so careless- or seemingly- and then it's also like OK am I being- am I judging people unfairly? I don't know that these people didn't quarantine for two weeks and do multiple tests before they traveled like I'd like to think that they did. But it's hard.
Tina: It's also like we, we can't- it's so fucked up because like I feel like I've resorted to like you know feeling immediate anger towards other individual people like surrounding me because like I already take for granted that I can't trust the government to like take care of shit and make things safe enough for people to be able to take care of their basic needs.
Dana: Yeah.
Tina: So like it's, I mean it has been placed- the responsibility for making the right choices has been placed on us as individuals because like the government isn't doing shit. and you know I've kind of I haven't accepted that but like I take that as a fact, I don't I don't expect them to do anything I don't fucking trust them.
Aja: Mmhm.
Dana: I sent this, I think I sent this. It's the scene in parks and rec where they're in London and I think Leslie is sitting there and she's just frustrated with people in general.
And Ron says to her, "Well somebody has to be the adult." And it's like right now in however many months it's been, I'm very tired of being the adult. Very very tired.
Lyonel: The catalyst for my my anxiety is like fear like I've clocked that that like there are some people whose anxiety is like separation or you know whatever they are.
But like the root- I thought, and I thought it was a worry like this why I also think it's like one of those things like like learning yourself as best you can because I've been sitting like oh I get anxiety cause I get worried but it's like no no no no. I get anxiety from fear and I actually have a deep rooted fear of something happening to me and no one being around to help me or to know that something happened to me and that fear is habitual every single day.
And it actually keeps me in a state of panic to where like I've been driving and had to pull over because I got blurry or like I got sudden chest pains and like the fear of I going to a closed room by myself and spending time in that room by myself, over and over and over again is like that monotonous circle gives me high levels of anxiety. and so like that's like one side of the coin and I've noticed that like it's I feel like I'm losing friends right.
Like on a mental help because I don't have the bandwidth to show up for people anymore. But I can feel myself like I feel like I'm flaky. I feel like people will write me and I will see the message and I just won't write back like. And it's. And it has nothing to do with them. It's like battling myself to stay like calm and present is so overwhelming for me that like by the time I settle I am so exhausted that like I actually don't have the ability to do anything else.
And it has really scared me and I really- it's the first time in my life that I have dealt with this. So that's also been what's come out of this quarantine that like that scares me. Like something I hope will be put back when a vaccine comes. But part of me worries and I have I created a new thing about me that's gonna stay after the pandemic is long gone?
Dana: It's like just the right just the exact amount of time that you can change a habit or something will change about you, you know I mean like- not to- I don't want to be I think you you are smart and you can manage your own ship. So I think I absolutely think that you can get out of this. I do understand what you're saying where it's just the right amount of time that.
Like you've been living in a certain way that I think it is going to be a little difficult for us to kind of break these- there are there are definitely like I can see I can really see myself having some sort of panic being in a bar again or like you know well after I've taken the second vaccine.
Well after they say it's fine I can certainly see myself just sitting there and being like oh oh oh [reaches for mask]you know what I mean.
Lyonel: Yeah.
Dana: It's just that right amount of time that you've been living a certain way. Like I'm watching TV now and I'm like wait they don't have a mask.
Lyonel: I mean my my mom is 70 right. And like her generation of black people like aunts and uncles who are terrified to take a vaccine because they were around during the time where you would give vaccines to people of color, and it would actually not be the vaccine it would be more a more high dose version of the actual thing that's killing them just so they can have a study on what happens to people when this doesn't get infected. And it's like that is exactly right.
Dana: Isn't that Tuskeegee?
Lyonel: That's the Tuskeegee Trials, the Syphilis Trials. Yeah. Like that's a mental health issue like you're battling your brain for survival and safety. and one side is like you know you can't even trust yourself in it. And that that plays with your mind you know. Yeah yeah. Because because also I think mental health, like right. I believe in therapy. I'm in therapy I've been in therapy I believe that therapy needs to be normalized I think that therapy needs to be something that we talk about more freely.
I think that it is a habit and culture that needs to be broken down that there's nothing wrong with you with needing to be in a space and discuss issues I just think we need to normalize therapy. It's important.
Dana: Agreed.
Lyonel: And I think that through therapy like I'm just learning and seeing that we actually are causing mental health issues like with our social disparities. like it's a mental health issue to make it through COVID because they've also framed COVID on different bodies as like "this body means danger"- to where they even sound like people divert from being around certain parts of the city, like parts of Chicago people won't even drive through because I like that part's probably highly populated with COVID because of the community that lives there.
So it's like like the mental health disparity over like how we're grouping people. like these this group of people is probably safer to be around this group isn't- all that is mental.
Dana: So on the other side of that coin that you mentioned therapy. So what are the types of things that we are all taking part in that help us through this.
Tina: For me personally the one thing and this is something I've engaged in like before kind of the mass trauma of the pandemic because I- and I've said this a lot before to other people but like I tour a lot with theater stuff I'm like on the road a lot and a lot. That's really hard. It's hard to be on the road for long stretches of time where like all of your stability goes out the window and you only have your job.
Everything else is changing around you and you have no control and for me that's really hard but I found that in touring- like you know there was one to time where I toured for a full year. I was just like bouncing around across the country for a year, and last year toured for like three months and it was just like living without control for that time meant I had to find resources within myself to create stability around myself like and know that I couldn't rely on stuff around me.
So I actually found it really helpful to tap into those resources, the resources that you built for yourself when you're living through less than ideal circumstances. And I've had to access those a lot throughout quarantine and I'm really lucky that I was able to build on those resources but I like, I encourage people to like think about what you can do for yourself what you have control over what you can kind of build for yourself.
And I don't know if it's like learn to be OK with just that level of stability, but like allow yourself to be the primary source of what you need. And for me a lot of it is like you know physical health and mental health are super interconnected for me if I'm having a hard time anxiety wise it manifests in my body in like the wildest ways I mean I could you know I won't even go into it because some of them are disgusting.
Dana: Poop?
Tina:Yes and well I mean yeah. Yeah. Yes.
(laughing)
Tina: Butthole mouth! We all just did...butthole mouth, for those still listening.
But also if I'm having a hard time physically or if I'm not treating my body well I noticed that I like deal with anxiety much more acutely so like treating my body well exercise or like eating what you want or eating stuff that your body likes like- taking for me taking baths frequently doing nice things for my body like that, like that affects my mental state in a way that I can notice big time.
So I just encourage people to like take time to get in touch with what your body wants and and find ways to like let that give you some ease in terms of like what's going on in your brain.
Lyonel: I think just coming up the routine is actually really important in a quarantine because there- you do need incurs somewhere. And also as a fitness instructor I think that health and moving your body is so so important and but also don't shit on the fact that we've been in a 10 month quarantine.
Like I get so sad when my friends or even clients were like Oh I've gone all this weight. And like oh my God like I just I don't move the same- like we're in a global pandemic. You are allowed to get out of jail free card and your body is allowed to not look like it did ten months ago because it is a global pandemic. Also-
Tina: Nothing is the same!
Lyonel: No.
Aja: Your body is beautiful at any size, shape, stage. Like Please don't be hard on your body especially now because your body is putting up with so much.
Tina: Yeah your body is carrying you through a like mass trauma.
Dana and Aja: Yeah.
Aja: Dana what are you doing?
Dana: Routine is a big one. What Lyonel said. It's funny I think with with this entire situation I think there are two types of people people that went in- like that went in themselves because they were like well what else am I going to do. And they like.
I don't know I feel like I'm a changed person because I took the time because I kind of felt like- there's nothing else for me to do. So I'm just gonna go into myself and reflect and do work on myself. So I feel like what Tina was talking about with like understanding yourself and then realizing like you can rely on yourself for resources, your strengths things like that.
But besides that routine is a big thing for me. So I'm I am now trying for the next 30 days to do Yoga with Adriene which is delightful. If you've never done Yoga Adriene. She's a dream. And it's free and it's on YouTube. So if you you're unemployed you don't have money. Hopefully if you have Internet access you can do Yoga with Adriene.
I meditate. I can't I cannot cannot stress how much meditation means to me and how I'm able to especially for my anxiety because I'm somebody who deals with anxiety issues and I think because control is that the source of it. Just like Tina because we're very similar people.
And I have a sick parent and kind of through all of this, I've had to kind of exercise being present above all. And because that is something that you can combat anxiety as well. So two big things are moving my body because I'm continuing to box as well so I box, I do yoga, and I meditate. Those are the the big three for me.
Lyonel: Aja what you doing?
Aja: Y'all I don't fucking know.
(laughing)
Dana: You roller skate!
Aja: I do roller skate. I don't know. I think I threw myself into work. And now I'm full time and I think I just use work as a form of escapism. Like I just like throw myself in and I don't really think about anything else. I also am. I don't know. I don't know that I've done- I mean I have done introspection just because I think we're all the kind of people who who-- is "introspect" a verb?
Dana: Yeah!
Aja: It is nowww.
Dana: Maybe.
(laughing)
Aja: We introspect.
Lyonel: We do introspect. I skated and introspected!
Tina: What is-
(laughing laughing laughing)
Aja: Dear Diary this morning I introspected for 27 minutes!
(laughing)
Dana: Introspected.
Aja: No but I don't know. Yeah. I think to be honest when the pandemic started, when quarantine started- well I lost my grandfather right before pandemic. So we went to South Carolina for his funeral and then got back and two days later we went into shelter in place in L.A..
And I think that trip is kind of when my morning routine went out the window. So I had been really good about getting up yoga every morning writing every morning meditating every morning and then somewhere in there it all kind of fell apart. So I think I'm just kind of like rolling with the punches. I don't really know- as y'all were talking I was like "What do I do?".
Roller skating has been really big. We've talked about- this is a new thing for me and it's something that I can tangibly get better at and see the progress of that isn't it's kind of the only thing that is motivating to me to do for fun right now.
Like I'm not really into watching movies and I really enjoy reading you're not really into music. I'm not really into it like I listen to music but you know like all of the things that I like to do when things aren't...
Dana: A hot mess.
Aja: yeah. none of those things are motivating to me in roller skating has really been somewhere where I can just learn something and not have to think about- how does this pertain to my career? You know like as actors and artists-.
I feel like that's something that you know anything creative that I do I'm always like Oh can I use this to forward what I'm working on in some way- and roller skating is just purely fun bullshit and it doesn't require anything of me to do it emotionally. You know I still do breath work as much as I can. That helps my anxiety a lot.
I also this real fun thing. I was driving the other day and I had- I like thought I was having a heart attack, which was a new feeling and it wasn't necessarily- like I mentally felt fine but my chest felt fully constricted like I couldn't move it.
And so I stopped and I googled, "am I having a heart attack" and then I texted a few friends about it and they were like it might be heartburn. All three of them were like it could be heartburn. I've had that before. and if you're if your mind feels OK it's probably that.
And Tina I don't know why I didn't to text you as my friend with all of the heartburn-
Tina: With horrible reflux.
Aja: And acid reflux.
(laughing)
Lyonel: I get panic attacks all the time, or heartburn. I check by the smell if I can feel in my left arm you loose feeling you get tingling in your left arm.
Aja: Yeah.
Tina: Also though the fun fun thing about heart attacks is they manifest super differently in men vs women.
It's just like there it's so understudied the way heart attacks manifest in women that- a lot of the standards we're told to look for in heart attacks are based on like men's experiences or cis men's experiences. So it's it's not like you never fucking know.
Aja: Also- seven- going back to enneagram and not having followed through.I have been avoiding therapy like a plague and I don't really know why, and what's ridiculous is I have a gift card for TalkSpace for a session and I just keep not doing it.
To be fair I keep trying to meet with people and they don't have anything for three weeks, and then I'm like I'd like to talk to someone sooner. And so it's been like two months of me trying to talk to someone, when I should have just stuck with the first person and waited the three weeks.
That's just my seven being like "you want therapy? How bad do you want it?".
Lyonel: What is TalkSpace?
Aja: Oh! TalkSpace is a therapy app, you pay a monthly fee- and they have several different levels you can have one that's just text and you have, Monday through Friday. A camera for 24 hours or so like 9 to 5 but basically like you can text a therapist all day and they'll get back to you. I think within 24 hours.
There is also one where you can have one session a month and then unlimited texts or there's one where you can have four sessions a month and then unlimited text.
So it's nice because if you're someone who feels like they want to have access to a therapist more frequently you can via text. And I think in terms of depending on how much they don't have like what I wish they had was not like not a monthly plan like if you buy like pay for like two weeks or whatever. I mean I know with texts that's hard but like for people on a budget I don't know that it's.
Lyonel: Can you use insurance?
Aja: That's a great question. Probably. Oh yes! You can set up insurance. Yes you can. I just haven't yet. But yeah, I mean like in terms of in the grand scheme like if you're looking at a therapist you could pay anywhere from one hundred to three hundred, four hundred dollars for a therapist depending on your budget.
So I think the lowest plan is 60 something dollars a week for unlimited texts, that's not bad at all. Yeah. But you have to pay monthly. So I think it's a harder pill to swallow for me at least like "pay that much money to help myself. What are we doing?"
Dana: Well that's something that that's a lesson that I think I have to learn all the fucking time over and over again. Beat it into my head because I don't ever like especially when the protest started to happen. I completely lost sight of me. I completely completely did. And then I started to feel guilty when I like, when the pressure wasn't as strong, like it it is-
There is still a very strong movement but I do feel kind of like, when the pressure started to wane I was like a little bit, even on social media. I started to feel like guilt like "oh fuck I'm not doing as much as I can be right now. I'm not pushing as much as I could- like sustaining the movement as much as I can be."
And like people are like- constantly my therapist constantly telling me you need to take a fucking break. You have to. like there's no way that you can continue this without passing out somewhere. I'm just so bad at it. I just start to feel guilt immediately.
Lyonel: Well that's hard to because the mental play of that is performative though. like the mental play of that is like "no one believes me unless I show them" which is like on one token like. Yes. Right. Like if you stand for something like stand for it proudly. But there's also this like "no no no no no I'm not authentic until like until I like. I'm doing it everyday" so if someone comes for me I can be like "nope I posted it at 11:00 a.m."
But it's like the the girth of it, like the need for eating your spirit comes out of like obligation, even though you are wholeheartedly committed to it. Like it's like I have to do this or I seem lackluster as opposed to like you know to me- it's like you being in love with your partner right. Like you don't not love him any more or any less. It's just like maybe on this day y'all are super super cuddly and on this day you're like we're both occupying space, like the stasis is the same the love is the same. Yeah.
So sometimes I feel like because I feel this way about masks right now. It gives me anxiety when like my friends keep posting like "wear a fucking mask" and I'm like. I get it I get it. But like most of the people following your page are wearing masks.
And like, or if they're not why are aren't you friends enough that you can't ask them why they're not wearing a mask. There are other smaller things where I'm like... but because of it it's like it's turning into like "I'm on the right side. I'm telling people to wear their masks so I'm doing right.
I'm yelling at the bad people" and it's like.
There's a group of people in the middle who like every time you post a quote, it's a scare tactic but it's like causing anxiety in certain people. But that's my personal lens right. I keep scrolling and I'm having anxiety where I keep- and I'm like "yep, person the hospital person the hospital, look how many- No I see you that's great. I hope nothing happens to me" you know what I mean, but it's like performativeness is controlling how we do things.
Tina: It's so true. Now that you say that because one of the biggest things that I feel like I have learned to do during this pandemic and also during the kind of mass social upheaval- and I know Dana and I talked about this like at the beginning of all the protests, where like like protesting is like the way that I used to like engage. Like that's the way I'm used to engaging with social movements and like I don't feel comfortable doing that because I'm higher risk and I'm not comfortable being around a lot of people during a pandemic.
So like how do I engage when the thing that usually is my like you go-to isn't available to me. And I like I found myself becoming so aware of like when I was taking action and like how visible it was and like whether I was incentivizing myself to like take action and like like one of the biggest things in one of the things I was grateful to have kind of developed a sense of it's like take doing a thing and then not fucking telling anyone about it like doing and because you know like I'm a person who likes attention I'm an actor like I'd like people to know who I am and what I'm doing.
Aja: And to clap for you.
Tina: Yeah yeah! To get applause!
(clapping)
Lyonel: You number three you.
Tina: Yeah- yeah! Type three. but I like doing things for no reason other than that- it's like the right thing to do and that no one needs to fucking know that I did it. And like that being enough for me has been a huge I mean I feel like I am growing in that way which is you know like I do try and find a good comes out of shitty situations and this is a good thing for me that has come out of like a dumpster fire of a year.
But it is interesting. Like that's not- I don't know if that's something I would have thought about. If not for all of the fucking bullshit that we've had to put up with.
Dana: You know it's funny too is like, because the protests started to- the visibility of that on social media had started to put people at risk that we had to just be like stop posting pictures with people's faces in it because it's- it's like people are actually getting arrested simply by a t shirt.
So it was just like that was the incentive to go to a protest was no longer posting about it on social media anymore. It was like, You're gonna go if you believe in this and that's it like. And I wonder how many people dropped off simply because they couldn't take any more photos or videos or... that was a big lesson I think.
But I feel while I do understand the performative aspect of it I feel like when I start to see other people start to like veer off I get anxious. Like if people are starting to talk about other things then I'm like "No no no no wait wait if I post this then maybe they'll start talking about this again or maybe walking in my circle back." That's my motivation. Like that's it.
And understanding that like that's not how people work. Even if you post about something over and over and over again it's not going to be like one day they're just gonna be like "Oh.".
(laughing)
Dana: It's more nuanced than that and you can't really control the way that like, especially in social media, the way that the tide flows. But like I started to feel guilty if I took a break and then I started to see other people talk about other shit or like you know I mean?
Aja: I felt guilt TODAY.
Dana: Yeah.
Aja: Because I'm like oh I haven't- for a second I was posting stories all the time and like you know action items, information, and then you know now it's like I'll post a story or two every other day. But I also I'm not on Instagram that much and I never really have been a big Instagram person. And so like letting- having to let go of that and you know putting the worth of my actions into my stories and where I'm showing up- I totally relate to that, Dana.
And I think that you know posting about it and hoping that people will talk about it is I mean that's one good way to use social media. So. It's not how people work but it can help.
Dana: Mm hmm right.
Aja: If that's something that you have the spoons for, you know.
Dana: Yeah.
Aja: Wait. Do y'all know about spoons?
Dana: What's a spoons? Is that instead of something else?
Aja: I can't remember where exactly it comes from but basically it's like, I have X amount of spoons that I have to carry things for myself and use for myself.
And so if I run out of spoons I can't, like you know I have a group of friends if we you know if we have something having really to talk about it's like "hey I would like to talk about this thing but if you don't have the spoons to talk about it that's totally fine no questions asked". So like running out of the spoons to post on social media. Like I don't have the energy for it. And that's OK.
Dana: Yeah. I'm taking a break and I've been off for 30 days besides doing something for We the People. So that's where I'm up. I need a break.
Lyonel: And I'm washing spoons right now at my house.
(laughing)
Dana: We ran out- we're fresh out of spoons.
Lyonel: We ain't got no clean spoons in this house, y'all.
Dana: The dishwasher's going. Come back.
(laughing)
Aja: Do we all want to go around and give a final thought on on mental health and self care.
Lyonel: I think that's awesome.
Aja: Yeah. Tina??
Tina: I guess I will give an action item to everyone who's listening.
My action item to you all this week is do something that feels good. Do something nice for yourself. Whether it's like something luxurious and physical like eating a meal that you like prepare and that you have fun making and eating, or like doing something with your body that you haven't done before but that you think might be fun to try- like roller skating.
Aja: That was going to be my action item! Not roller skating, but what you were saying!
Tina: Yeah. Yeah! Just just do something nice for yourself that will make you happy or that you're that will give you something to be excited about. Because yeah I mean yeah, we all fucking need it. And I want you all to be happy.
Aja: And then post about it on SOCIAL MEDIA!
(laughing)
Dana: And show us how HAPPY YOU ARE!
Lyonel: Tell all your FRIENDS.
Tina: PROVE IT.
Aja: You're not smiling it doesn't count.
Dana: PROVE IT.
(laughing)
Aja: Okay Dana what about you?
Dana: OK. So in the beginning of all this I took a class on the science of happiness because I needed with it.
Aja: Where was it Dana?
Dana: It was through YALE!
(laughing)
Dana: No joke. It was free.
Lyonel: Oh so you're like smart.
Dana: I'm a Yale graduate.
(laughing)
Dana: It was with Dr. Laurie Santos who is- she does a happiness lab podcast and she's dope. She's fantastic. Learned a lot about happiness in that. And what motivates us, but I learned- something that stuck with me because I'm an actor and we do this all the time- we are prone to comparing ourselves.
Our brains are hard wired to compare us to other people. So that's something that I think we can all work on because there's just no point, right, and we're happy when we're not doing that. You are your own ship right now and you can guide yourself out of this.
Tina: Aja, what about you?
Aja: My takeaway is that everyone is walking a different path and your path is yours. Basically what everyone has already said so far like we can't compare ourselves, well we can but we don't need to compare ourselves, and to find things that bring you joy and to keep trying new things to bring you joy. Because for me it took a lot to find the thing that I like right now and just keep going. And what about you Lyonel?
Lyonel: I think I take away from you in this conversation, which is always great, is we're more connected than we think we are. And also we don't have to have it all together because it looks different on everybody.
And give yourself the freedom to learn everything about yourself in this downtime and to really- the only way for all of us to get off of this sinking ship and that is 2020, while there were great highlights, the only way off is to like know which way you're going to swim like an it can't involve anyone else's lane, like you cannot go into the path.
You have to know which way you're going to swim off this ship. So like really just like listen in and see what you need and then like go for- like listen to yourself.
Dana: Yeah I love that.
Aja: (sings) "listen to your heart"
(laughing)
(Lyonel starts playing song "Listen to your heart")
(laughing)
(everyone starts playing air instruments)
(laughing)
Aja: Byyyyeee
Lyonel: Hey everybody. Thank you for tuning in to We the People where we like to keep it fresh, funky, and always unfiltered. Till next time, we're your four favorite friends.
Dana: WE BETTER BE.
Everyone: (laughing) BYEEEEE
Aja: This is gonna be a wily one I feel.
Dana: Yeah.
Tina: Honestly good.
Lyonel: (sings) Chim chiminy chim chiminy chim chim cheroo. I've got another idea for you.
(laughing)
(beat boxing and mouth drums start)
Tina: I didn't think dub step Mary Poppins was how we were going to start but...I'm not against it.
(laughing)
Dana: We'll be here all night.